Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Slept All Day

Holiday today. Almost 0200 in the am, and I can not sleep. I feel hot and perspiration dots the hairline of my forehead. I can feel my overly contractile heart beat too forcefully when I do too much. In the morning, I always walk with my head down and my arms hanging down to whatever ground is before me: the wooden floor with dog hair strewn about, the carpet with a sticky gum poking out in its red color for all to see. These are the little things, right? It's my world and I may as well tell you what it is like. Perhaps your world is like my world.

First of all, I have every rectangle and every crack in the walls memorized so that I always know where I am, even before I open my eyes. I have everything sketched in my mind, and I now use my 'medical school' photographic memory to locate lost items. Where's that..cell phone? Wait. Close my eyes, and point my head downwards. Concentrate. Then a hazy picture begins. I see the cell phone. It is on....a redwood chest...next to a magazine on Horses, downstairs in the living room. There. There it is. I'm working on my own memory, wishing I had Scrabble players to help me accommodate to life's games.

It was Labor Day today. I wish I had an American flag to post outside our home, as others do. Instead, I got in a 'I'm alive!' mood, and we made a small area totally clear for children to play. I know it was hard work, but the  Cause was good, and we did it! Our children need to feel special. They need to feel special or else they do not incorporate bonds into their world. Children must know I am a 'safe' grownup, as random children would regularly walk up to me in a shopping mall, and ask me to tie their loose shoe laces. I wish I had 10 kids. I wish I could run an orphanage...don't laugh...every time a baby grows up, I want another one. Every time I see a newborn baby, I am reminded that God has his/her future at bay.

Blessings and holy warmth. May they surround your auroa, your persona who is a Survivor.
We made it through another day! My book is done! Let's see where we can go next! I know I'm in for a 'ride'. Hold on......keep hands and feet inside at all times (just like the rides at Disneyland, about an hour away). 

Will try to make more scientific entries for other doctors, too. Today, my medical note is that I seem to undergo 'spurts' of energy wherein my body tells me, "No! No! No!" to things like standing up, sitting up at a breakfast table, making it to my window seat to see my garden, making it to take a nap without hurting someone's feelings. Trying to set the house together the way that I want to do it. Me. The mother of the house, the gut-wrencherer who scans the place, ensuring my landmarks are in place. Off to sleep. It's too late to be up. 

Need energy/ATP for tomorrow. I have found that eating eggs for breakfast really helps me have more energy during the day. I believe there is a neurotransmitter precursor in eggs, providing choline to make acetylcholine, a ubiquitous (found everywhere) neurotransmitter used for muscle function, sensing things, regulating organs, etc. Eggs. That's my new thing, thanks to mother Renee who always makes me eat and whom I absolutely adore. I'm not telling you to eat eggs, but I'm telling you it seems to help me. Maybe it could help you, too, but always Disclaimer: seek medical care from a professional. My comments are not meant to be medical advice. But I'll tell you what I know, from the dysautonomia that I have, and the physician/scientist who I am.

Praying for you.

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