Day #15 off iv Infusion

Definitely feel more light-headed today. More of a sense of being on the cusp of hitting the 'wall' that throws me with my head to the floor. This is when I need blood in my head, and when I can feel that there is not enough blood flow to keep me standing up. 

Yesterday, I saw my former and current mentor, Dr. Rashad. As we ate tacos and burritos, we all laughed at who could eat the spiciest and hottest peppers. I remember back during Anesthesiology Residency, when Dr. Rashad would look for the hottest peppers to eat. I was amazed, encouraged, and enlightened to see him. God has truly blessed my soul by allowing this doctor into my life at this time. He was such a big help to me in residency. He believed in me, and in my intellectual capabilities. He was nice to me, relieving my OR case so I could do my preops for the next day. Like my father, he taught me to give. I am so glad to be a part of his life, and also to be a part of his girlfriend's life.

Today is Tuesday. Finally got a pair of broken glasses fixed, and saw my PCP. Take a little blood here, give a little shot there. I stumble out in exhaustion, walking slowly upstairs to my bed. Each step accentuates the quadraceps muscles, and I lift heavy leg after heavy leg up the stairs. 

I can go to sleep now. My prayers of thanksgiving have reached the Lord's ears, and God already has my whole day planned out. Nothing will happen today, that will be a surprise to God. I accept His world that is now adapted for me. IV bag or not, hum, drum, drip, drop. 

There is nothing to listen to, because there is no CADD pump connected to me. I am still in shock when someone sees me and notices that I am not connected to an iv bag! I am still in shock when I can stand up from a chair, reach back, and NOT have to pull out the bag, the iv tubing, and the CADD pump out to make sure it does not BANG! onto the floor.

No more pump. No more iv tubing. The PICC line is in my left arm, and the tip lies in my right superior vena cava. When they pull it out, there are bound to be some thrombi (clots). If a big one floated up to my heart, it would then leave the pulmonary arteries and travel to the capillary: alveoli exchange of the lung. There must be some chance that a clot could then get stuck in my lungs, collapsing the distal lung ahead of the clot. But no, God did not put me through all of this to have a simple ICU complication end my life. Somehow, I think that God will let me die peacefully.