June 21, 2009 Sunday; Father's Day

Much has happened. PICC line fell out overnight; that was about 3 months ago, I think. I'm drinking 2-3 liters special water/day. I was on TV, the local KABC Channel 7 in Los Angeles. It was a profile on the rare syndrome of Dysautonomia and many people are happy that the story was done in a very fine manner. I finished writing the book I was putting together, finally. It was printed in time for me to present it to my Cardiologist. He is such a fine doctor. He saved my life, and every doctor that he referred me to? Believed me, helped me, made additional diagnoses, and are making my life easier to bear. 

The suffering has lessened, and like a thorn in your finger, it feels so much better than before. But the wound is still there, and the wound still bleeds. Father's Day and I did not have the energy to get out of our bed. But the words of my Mother Renee rang over and over again in my head...get up! Get up! Put yourself together!

I braced myself, I held my breathe, and I sat up. I braced myself again, and forged a Path in my head. One that led to me to stand up. Eat something. Drink a liter of fluid. Jobst stockings followed by a cup of pills. At the Stanford Medical Alumni Family Retreat in South Lake Tahoe, this was my accomplishment. Instead of counting pill by pill and gagging on every swallow, my Caregiver Sofia and Edward taught me how to swallow a whole cup of pills. Now my distress over swallowing a lineup of pills, one at a time, is replaced by a mouthful of pills and a few swallows. Took me three years to get that this line of thinking was in my best interests. Now, it seems so silly that I did not learn how to do this years and years ago. Would have saved myself a lot of pent-up, bracing myself, gagging, getting pills stuck sideways in my esophagus, and general disgust at waking up and having a line of pills to swallow. Who wants to start their day that way?

No one. But God led me on this Path, and He is finding ways to bless our household. We mailed something 'media mail', which I recall as being very slow. Someone finally got our Christmas present in February. But no, God was able, and we asked Him to use His powers to push this mail forward to get to its destination, Grandma's house. She was leaving for a week, and we were able to get this media mail to her in just a few days. Just in time for her to have it with her as she reads on the plane, etc. It was yet another reminder of how much God is looking after us. How He works in our lives every day.

I've been talking to God a lot lately about being so ever-grateful for His Mercy. For letting me come back to Earth, to be a person of conviction that helps the lowly and the vulnerable. For letting me continue to be a mother and a wife. For letting me help people and serve as an inspiration, however possible. May He continue to use His Powers in our lives, so that you are reminded of God's reality day by day. If we walk by faith and not by sight, we are living in a different realm of this world. We are not invincible, but we are humble and we bow down at the name of Jesus Christ, son of Joseph and Lord of Lords.

"Holy, Holy, Holy....Lord God Almighty..." I try to sing this song at the top of my lungs every morning as I open our leaded glass windows to peer at nature below and beyond. Two important things I have recently learned: 1.) My suffering. I turn it over to Jesus, since He suffered for all. My sufferings seem so little, by comparison. But 2.) I sing Praises to God. The worse my situation is, the more I sing from the bowels of my gut and the crevices of my soul. Truly, truly, truly. This must be a reality, a bombshell of an epiphany. Dedicate my suffering to the Lord, and  Praise Him in the same sentence. Sing to Him, who makes me whole.

Tomorrow, God will lead me to another day, to another path, to another person, or to another success. God is sending us people who are beloved and genuine, and He knows that all things will work together for good. For those who love the Lord, for those who are called according to his purpose.

I am grateful for another day, today. It was the first Father's Day that I could do much to help celebrate. Here we were this morning, with all the other 11 am last-minute shoppers, and we power-shopped. Then off to get new wireless router, then waited in the car for Father's Day cake to be picked up, then took a nap.

May God grant you the wisdom to believe in the depths of God's Word. May He show Himself to you daily, so that you know He is in your life, and that He is with you every step of the way. May He lead and guide your way, just as He does for all his Children. May we learn to love the way that Christ guided us: to be forgiving, loving, loyal, and an example that He may be ever so proud of us little human beings. Us and our big ideas. We get ourselves into more trouble than we get ourselves out of. That is why God is Our Father, Our Guardian, Our Protection.