Day # 13 Off iv Infusion

Yesterday, Saturday, flew by and all I remember is that my right shoulder was in so much pain that I felt like crying, throwing up, and fainting, all at the same time. My Caregiver made certain that I got all my medications, all my meals, and that I actually had a spa of a feeling, which is a simple bath.

Once a person is disabled and requires assistance with the Activities of Daily Living such as assistance getting into a car (transfer assistance), the whole household will permanently change. One step at the front door is converted to a ramp; this is repeated at the back door, too. Handle bars at every step in the house, sharp corners all rounded. We can talk about that later.

Today is Sunday. I woke up at 11:00 am, feeling wave upon wave of ... grogginess...upon me. Perhaps I was just too tired. Perhaps all the prayers put me into a coma of sorts. The kind of coma that God causes, as He created Eve from Adam's rib. I felt as if I was receiving anesthesia gases, and each time I awoke during the day, different kinds of consciousnesses were upon me such that I felt that I was waking up by accident, or only for a fleeting moment. But no, this calm, warm, toasty bed and the sheets and lavendar-scented room. They beckoned me back to sleep in less than one inhalation/exhalation cycle.

8:36 pm and I feel that I can sleep another 12 hours. Praise God for chemists and pharmaceutical advancements that are there to alleviate the sufferings and the pains that the human body may undergo. Traditional medical pain pills have been a key trigger that have helped my shoulder pain. As is commonly done, I would take my pain pills first and then better tolerate my physical therapy.

When I suffer, I think of all the suffering that God allowed His child, His Son, to undergo. I do not understand why there always had to be an option of suffering. I used to spend nights wondering how God could contain Himself, knowing at all times every rape, every murder, every battering, every suffering of a child's empty stomach. I'm so glad that God is God, and that I'm not God. Or you :), for that matter. Why did the Old Testament God require slayings of animals as blood offerings to Him? Is someone really allowed to suffer for someone else? If that is so, I dedicate my sufferings to Christ's sufferings. One would think that God would be surprised, that I would want to do this. Much as we were first surprised to know that God allowed Christ to suffer for us. Why should you or I dedicate sufferings to God, or to Christ, or to our Mother Mary, for that matter? It seems magical, but apparently God allows sufferings to be dedicated.

Today, I felt dysautonomia taking me over. I just walked bent forward, to keep my head lower to the ground. More blood to the brain. Then I won't faint, or have syncope. I felt so weak that I had to sleep. Fatigue, severe fatigue as if my body was too heavy to move. I slept through my medication regimen, my meals, and my senses. 

I can not type any more. Yes, even the extensors on my fingers and forearm are sore, and I could use an ice pack on my shoulder. Off to pray for my children.

My father prayed for us, his children. Each of us could have ended up with a bullet in our heads, just like my best friend. I believe that God holds in great regard, the relationship between a mother and a daughter. I am so happy to have spent such a day today, with my son in good regards, my daughter in my presence, and my husband close at bay. Peaceful, calm, relaxing and natural.

Goodnight and May God Bless and Keep You at His side.